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practice

principles i try to live by, a secular spiritual practice

updated 2025-09-21

[this page is a work-in-progress, and i will add more soon(tm)]

a lot of this is pulled from my time in learning the tradition of insight meditation under the Theravadan Buddhist tradition

photo of a statue of the Buddha on shelf with a rainbow crocheted piece in front of it

precepts (“they’re more like guidelines”)

knowing how deeply our lives intertwine:

remembrances

metta

forgiveness

there are many ways that i have hurt and harmed others, have betrayed or abandoned them, caused them suffering, knowingly and unknowingly, out of pain, fear, anger, and confusion

i ask for their forgiveness

there are many ways that i have hurt and harmed myself

i have betrayed or abandoned myself many times through thought, word, or deed, knowingly and unknowingly

for the ways i have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain, and confusion, i now extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness

i forgive myself

there are many ways i have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word, or deed

i now remember the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, wounded me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and anger

i have carried this pain in my heart too long

to the extent that i am ready, i offer them forgiveness

to those who have caused me harm, i offer my forgiveness

i forgive you

mindfulness

meaning

life has no inherent meaning

we create it

13.8 billion years of uncaring and unguided events have led to where we are today; we are socially conditioned primates that evolved to live in groups; we have kindness installed by default

the universe–in it’s majesty, and it’s scope–was not created for us and will continue long after humanity goes extinct

we are so small

let us know that one day the universe will end; let it liberate us from our anxieties and insecurities; let it guide us to be kind, silly, and happy in this moment with people we love for this is all we have: right now

health

boundaries

from Nedra Glover Tawwab in “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself”

“there is no such thing as guilt-free boundary setting. If you want to minimize (not eliminate) guilt, change the way you think about the process. Stop thinking about boundaries as mean or wrong; start to believe that they’re a nonnegotiable part of healthy relationships, as well as a self-care and wellness practice.”

“People can’t meet a standard that we never express. Boundaries are not unspoken rules.”

“boundaries are not walls. A wall keeps people out, while boundaries show people how to exist in a relationship with you.”

“Boundaries to Consider: I say no to things I don’t like. I say no to things that don’t contribute to my growth. I say no to things that rob me of valuable time. I spend time around healthy people. I reduce my interactions with people who drain my energy. I protect my energy against people who threaten my sanity. I practice positive self-talk. I allow myself to feel and not judge my feelings. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I actively cultivate the best version of myself. I turn off my phone when appropriate. I sleep when I’m tired. I mind my business. I make tough decisions because they’re healthy for me. I create space for activities that bring me joy. I say yes to activities that interest me despite my anxiety about trying them. I experience things alone instead of waiting for the “right” people to join me.”

from Melissa Urban in “The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free”

“It’s not your job to guess my boundaries, it’s up to me to set and hold them.”

“A boundary isn’t about controlling someone else or telling them what to do. Boundaries are a limit around what you will or will not do in order to keep yourself safe and healthy.”

“Self-boundaries are a gift from Present You to Future You, and if that gift isn’t what Future You needs, exchange it for something better.”

“people don’t need to understand your boundary in order to respect it.”

boundaries are clear and kind

non-violent communication process for inter-personal communication

  1. observations
  2. feelings
  3. needs
  4. requests

solidarity

this is the feeling and action that says: i will be with you; even if we disagree on some things, we are in this together

“Gondor calls for aid!”

community

building community is paramount to fighting injustice, cultivating joy, putting love out into the world, and feeling connected to something greater than ourselves

silliness

be silly, cheesy, playful, uniquely u

silliness is what we need more of

i silly =D

relationship-anarchy

“Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another. Don’t rank and compare people and relationships — cherish the individual and your connection to them. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. Each relationship is independent, and a relationship between autonomous individuals.”

whether they are LTRs, LDRs, FWBs, hookups, short-term dating, long-term dating, or anything in-between: consenting individuals can interact in ways that honor their values; removes the stigma of sex, sexuality, and gender-expression; and tears down the oppressive nature of traditional relationship structures

questions

“in the end these things matter most:

nightly

gatha on Impermanence

The day is now ended.

Our lives are shorter.

Let us look carefully.

What have we done?

Noble Sangha, with all of our heart,

Let us be diligent

Engaging in the practice.

Let us live deeply,

Free from our afflictions,

Aware of impermanence

So that life does not

Drift away without meaning.

closing principles

"The Lost Words Blessing" by Robert McFarlane

Enter the wild with care, my love
And speak the things you see
Let new names take and root and thrive and grow
And even as you travel far from heather, crag and river
May you like the little fisher, set the stream alight with glitter
May you enter now as otter without falter into water

Look to the sky with care, my love
And speak the things you see
Let new names take and root and thrive and grow
And even as you journеy on past dying stars exploding
Like the gildеd one in flight, leave your little gifts of light
And in the dead of night my darling
Find the gleaming eye of starling
Like the little aviator, sing your heart to all dark matter

Walk through the world with care, my love
And sing the things you see
Let new names take and root and thrive and grow
And even as you stumble through machair sands eroding
Let the fern unfurl your grieving, let the heron still your breathing
Let the selkie swim you deeper, oh my little silver-seeker
Even as the hour grows bleaker, be the singer and the speaker
And in city and in forest, let the larks become your chorus
And when every hope is gone, let the raven call you home

"The Pale Blue Dot" by Carl Sagan

From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it's different. Consider again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

"Give Yourself To Love" by Kate Wolf

[Verse 1]
Kind friends all gathered 'round
There's something I would say
That what brings us together here has blessed us all today
Love has made a circle that holds us all inside;
Where strangers are as family, loneliness can't hide

[Chorus]
You must give yourself to love
If love is what you're after
Open up your heart to the tears and laughter
And give yourself to love
Give yourself to love

[Verse 2]
I've walked these mountains in the rain
And learned to love the wind
I've been up before the sunrise to watch the day begin
I always knew I'd find you though I never did know how
Like sunshine on a cloudy day, you stand before me now

[Verse 3]
Love is born in fire
It's planted like a seed
Love can't give you everything, but it gives you what you need
And love comes when you're ready
Love comes when you're afraid
It will be your greatest teacher
The best friend you have made

chorus to "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten